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Guess things we discussed are going through my mind as i lay in bed.
It's true that it will be better with an apology and closure of some sort. I dont expect her to forgive me because i would think a few times if i was her.
But thank you sharony for holding hand and guiding me through all these. I guess we hold each other hands when the earth beneath us starts to shake alittle.
It preys on my mind from time to time. I feel ashamed when i see her, sometimes in school, but of course i avoid any eye contact at all. After all, i've done enough wrong to her. I dont want to do anything stupid again.
Sometimes i feel that aspect of my life is a mess. I'm a mess. I did stupid things when i was younger. I thought i knew so much then. i thought i knew what i was doing. But i didnt. I didnt know the grave extend of my bad decisions and choices. And i regret them.
If i could turn back time, that whole suitation would be the first thing i will definitely change. But i cant. And i've learnt to accept, and learn from my wrongdoings and bad choices and hurt i've caused people. God help me.
I want to be the best i can to you.
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Just for my sake, i shall attempt to write down how i felt during that 350m trial with my training buddy, Kenneth.
1)Mental preparation is key: Dont be afraid of the pain. No pain, No gain.
2)Use your inside position's advantage: Try to follow, respond, but stay relaxed and composed.
3)REGULATE REGULAR BREATHING: If there's one thing i feel i've improved on is better lung endurance. haha
As soon as i took off, after about 30m, head was up and target was keeping the stagger to kenneth. Coming out of the first curve, I was probably about in stagger with kenneth, maybe 6m back. He responded but i could follow that respond without changing the stride length, but by increasing the frequency. As i did this my body leaned SLIGHTLY forward. As the 200m mark approached, we were on par in stagger, and i was surprised i was feeling pretty good still. I wasnt really thinking about HOW i was running or whether i was running efficiently- i just ran smoothy. Breathing was heavy, but controlled. Important is that the breathing MUST match the legs, because if you dont, you'll feel like out of breath, and taking a deep breath during the run is a big NO NO. Breathing is key. I still had some kick left at 250m, used probably half of it as i came up to 2+m behind kenneth. For the first time, i could hear his breathing when he's on the outside lane. I knew i was running well, and sat with kenneth, passing the 300m mark just slightly slower than him. He was timed at 34.4+, i couldnt be more than 0.3s behind. After 300m, i kinda lost focus alittle, as i was suddenly both RELIVED AND SURPRISED AT MY RUN, coupled with the ever increasing lactic acid, and that Mr Melvin Tan wanted us to try this new technique for the end, which, maybe helped alittle! but hard to tell when the legs and arms were so numb- any style would have felt the same! haha so anyway a 41.6s+ is definitely a new 350m PB and heartening to hear! last 50m @ 7s about is alright i guess.
IF ONLY I CAN MAINTAIN THE LAST 50m at 7s. Will be fabulous (:
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Yucks, am using my labtop now and a GIANT housefly just landed on my screen. So i slammed the screen shut. *quish*
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Met up with Amanda, Ashley, Louis and Ash's bf, Chuan(as she calls him) at her house to just get together before Ashley flies off for studies in mid august, before louis sells his soul back to NS, and before amanda's and my school term starts. haha
Played Wii! Super fun with four people(only 4 controllers, so chuan watched tv). We played the olympics games and we broke the 4x100m freestyle and 4x100 athletics WORLD RECORD. hahaha
played softball and tennis, which louis accidentally hit me at my forarm which i think is going to cause a bruise! OH, and the rowing one is definitely going to make my arm ache :/ haha but it was fun, and it's been a while since i had such a fun time with friends. Not to mention the free JUMBO FOOD! :D
fats :/
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